


I think I should get both.

by Artemisausten



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Can't be helped, F/M, Gen, Humor, Humorous Ending, I'm just poking fun at acotar is all, Wingspan jokes, also elain wants both lucien and azriel, and also eris, jokes as rhys' expense, jokes at azriel and lucien's expense, just give her what she wants okay, like sort of a crack story I guess, mentions of azriel and cassian, no one is safe, this is literally just in good fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemisausten/pseuds/Artemisausten
Summary: A humorous one-shot based on a tumblr prompt for a feysand story with, "I'm right here". Nesta has just finished her new book series, A Court of Thorns and Roses, and before it's published, her sisters decide to weigh in with their opinions on the story.________________________None of the sisters are impressed by this and respond by merely staring at him for a long moment until Rhys finally begins to squirm under their gaze.“Okay, I’m the morally grey hero with a heart of a gold who falls madly in love with the human he drugged and forced to dance for—yeah, that does sound bad when you say it out loud.”“Look, I think we’re all getting away from the point here,” Elain says, redirecting everyone’s attention as she holds her copy of A Court of Wings and Ruin up for everyone to see, multiple tabs marking her favorite scenes from the book. “Which is me. I think I should get both.”
Relationships: Elain Archeron & Azriel, Elain Archeron & Lucien Vanserra, Elain Archeron/Azriel, Elain Archeron/Lucien Vanserra, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron & Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	I think I should get both.

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be straight up humor and pokes fun at some of the stuff I've noticed in the fandom on tumblr lately (especially the whole thing with Eris and some of the anti-Rhys arguments).

“You _cannot_ have Feyre and Rhysand end up together—he’s such an incredible _asshole_.”

“ _I’m right here_ ,” Rhys says with a groan, tilting his head down as he rubs at his temples and wishes, for the hundredth time, that he hadn’t agreed to come visit Feyre’s sisters with her that day.

“We’re not talking about you, Rhys, darling,” Feyre says impatiently, scowling at her long-suffering boyfriend as she holds the heavy manuscript up in her hand and shakes it vehemently. “We’re talking about this—this—this _work of art_ that Nesta has written, with its bullshit ending!”

“I liked it,” Elain says, flipping idly through her copy as she rereads a passage that she enjoyed. “It’s imaginative, it’s fun, it has some interesting character development.” She pauses on a page and glances up at Nesta, a thoughtful expression on her face. “So, do I end up with Lucien or Azriel?”

Nesta lets out a heavy sigh and leans her face into her open palm. She knew she should have changed all the character names before she’d given her sisters the manuscripts to read—it had been a mistake to use the real names for the characters modeled after everyone in the first place. But there were so many references to change, she thought, so many passages between all three books, that the _find and replace_ feature in Microsoft Word had practically balked at the task before threatening to crash her computer entirely. “You guys do know that it isn’t really you, right?”

“Damn skippy,” Feyre mutters, glowering at the pages in her hands. “As if I’d even consider being with Rhys if he were at all like this.”

“Hey, I’m not the villain here—I read the pages, too.” Rhys moves to position himself where each Archeron sister can see the full weight of his reply, one long finger pointing menacingly at the pages in Feyre’s hands. “I’m the hero. I save Feyre from the abusive ex-fiance. I help save all of Prythian, in fact. You might say I’m the most important character in the books.” He emphasizes his importance at the end of his speech by adjusting his black jacket, straightening the shoulders as if to appear more dignified.

None of the sisters are impressed by this and respond by merely staring at him for a long moment until Rhys finally begins to squirm under their gaze.

“Okay, I’m the morally grey hero with a heart of a gold who falls madly in love with the human he drugged and forced to dance for—yeah, that does sound bad when you say it out loud.”

“Look, I think we’re all getting away from the point here,” Elain says, redirecting everyone’s attention as she holds her copy of _A Court of Wings and Ruin_ up for everyone to see, multiple tabs marking her favorite scenes from the book. “Which is me. I think I should get both.”

“What?” Nesta can feel her headache pounding as she tries to balance her attention between her sisters and Rhys.

“Lucien and Azriel—I think I should get both.” Elain’s eyes get a little misty and her voice a little distant as she imagines it, her lips curling into an impish grin. “One to cuddle up with on a cold night and tell me I’m the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen, and one to pull my hair and tell me I’m a naughty vixen who should be punished.”

Feyre and Rhys both roll their eyes at the same time, the latter groaning. “So, just because Azriel happens to be a master interrogator and spy, who tortures people for a living, you just casually assume that he’s a dom in bed?” Feyre shakes her head at her sister, whose grin grows more devious as she looks toward Feyre.

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about Azriel.”

“I don’t need to hear this,” Rhys whines. He _really_ should have stayed home.

“You guys, none of this is helping.”

“Who has the biggest wingspan?” Elain asks curiously, looking from the book to Nesta. Nesta can feel the color rising in her cheeks at the question.

“Yeah, who _does_ have the biggest wingspan?” Feyre echoes. “It’s obviously not Rhys.”

“ ** _I’m right here_** ,” Rhys repeats through gritted teeth. He’s never coming to visit Feyre’s family again. “And I object to this conversation.”

“No one cares, Rhys, darling,” Feyre practically sings to her boyfriend before turning back to Nesta.

“I never should have given you the books.”

“Listen, about the fifth book— _A Court of Silver Flames_.” Feyre scowls at the manuscript in her hand, holding it as it were something foul that she hated to touch. “Is it true about Nesta and Eris?”

Elain immediately perks up at the question, looking to Nesta with wide eyes. Even Rhys seems curious now.

“We are _not_ talking about that,” Nesta growls, glaring between each of them. _This_ , she thinks, is what happens when someone gets on your computer and pastes the last thing you wrote onto social media without providing any context for it.

Elain, Feyre and Rhys all sigh in disappointment, the sisters looking back down at the pages in their hands.

“Well, I think it’s good. I’m excited to see that it’s getting published.” Elain smiles at her in support, followed quickly by Feyre.

“I think _A Court of Thorns and Roses_ is going a bestseller,” Feyre adds. “Maybe they’ll even make it into a movie.”

“Why does it say that it’s written by someone named _Sarah J. Maas_?” Rhys asks, reaching to take the manuscript from Feyre’s hand for closer examiner and scowling when she glares at him and yanks it out of reach.

“It’s my penname.”

“Sounds fake.”

“Yeah, you should come up with something better.”

“Are we all really going to pretend that this book thing isn’t just Nesta pining for Cassian after they broke up because he happened to buy Mor some lacey panties for Christmas and Nesta got all uppity about it?” Rhys asks impatiently, wishing that at least one of the sisters would call it like it is. If nothing else, it might get him kicked out of this conversation and then he wouldn’t hear any more fantasies about Azriel or Lucien that he couldn’t unhear.

When all three sisters turn to glare at him again, with a particularly sharp scowl and raised eyes from Nesta, Rhys quickly relents, however. “Okay, that sounds bad when you say it out loud, too.”

“The men in these books are stupid.”

“I think you should write one just about Mor and her one true lesbian love.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea.”

“Yes, and have her finally face her traumatic past and deal with her family—oh, and the _angst_. Imagine what Azriel will do.”

“I’m leaving now,” Rhys interrupts them, having finally decided that he’s had enough. Of all the things that he _doesn’t_ want to hear about, Feyre’s sisters’ fantasies and who they want to pair his cousin up with are at the top of the list.

“No one cares, Rhys, darling.”

Rhys quickly moves to escape the Archeron house, slamming the door behind him and falling back against it as he heaves a breath of relief.

Those sisters are fucking insane.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments give me life!


End file.
